I’ve had a sound bath mixtape that I have been releasing since last summer. What has delayed me from even beginning the project? The paralysis from my perfectionism creeping up.
I am one of those people that “know better” that if you wait for things to be “perfect”, you’ll be waiting forever and yet here I am, still on my journey learning my lessons and needing my reminders about perfectionism. I know nothing about creating mixtapes, mixing music and sounds, etc. I do know how to play my crystal singing bowls. I want it to be really good and as professional as possible before I share it with the world but this desire for it be really good has halted me from even starting because I am so focused on what I don’t know and what I don’t want the project to be. Sucky, amateur, not professional…. In addition, the what if’s swirl around my mind too. What if no one likes it? What if no one listens to it? What if people say it’s bad/poor quality? These thoughts have stopped me from starting, trying, and allowing myself to be a beginner.
Sometimes our desire not to appear foolish in front of others robs us of experiences to learn and expand.
Nature, inherently, has a perfect and intentional order to it and yet it is common to find things in it that are asymmetrical, yet they are all a part of the plan and order of life. What if perfect isn’t real and it’s just about being? Everybody has different ideas about what it is or looks or feels like. It’s draining trying to measure up to it, so why not just BE the best that I can be at any given moment?
The world is getting this sound bath mixtape this month. It is going to be amateur and filled with my good energy and the beautiful sounds of crystal singing bowls that intend to help the world relax and refresh. I will learn from the experience and I will continue to create and release mixtapes after this one and each one will be flyer than the last. I will grow better and better at recording, producing, and releasing them so I have to start and release the aversion to being a beginner at something.
I, Milan, am a beginner at creating mixtapes. I’m excited to start this journey and see where it leads me. Who knows, maybe years from now I’ll be recording professional sound bath albums in a studio. Maybe not. Whatever happens, I’m present for the adventure, the process, and all that I’ll experience and learn.