Running from what scares us or we are avoiding can sometimes have us in pain and stress longer than the short term stress of facing them head on when they arise.
I once ran from paying a tax bill for so long it cost me 4K more than it was originally for after years of daily interest accruing. I still have two old laptops that are over 10 years old and useless sitting around because trying to figure out how to clear and properly dispose of them overwhelmed and bored me. I ignore them and they move with me, collecting more dust along the way, from home to home taking up physical and spiritual space. They represent me running from things that I don’t understand. Here’s the thing, if we keep ignoring things that scare us, we never get to understand them and we never get to grow from and release them. So they continue to hang out and haunt us.
Another time, I ran from a moving violation traffic ticket for four years. How can one run from a traffic ticket for four years? Live in New York City. Hahaha. I don’t recommend doing that though. When I finally faced it, it took less than 25 minutes to resolve. It hung over my head and lived rent free in my subconscious for four years and it took less than 25 minutes to resolve. Wild, right? I know some are thinking, “So what it’s a ticket!” And especially living in NYC, almost everyone with a car has gotten one or two or more tickets in their lifetime living here. Big deal. It makes total sense, but at the time, it really bothered me and yet, I just wouldn’t face it. There is a lot more to why people don’t face things and we can get into that in another post, but what did this teach/remind me? Running from what scares us or we are avoiding can sometimes have us in pain and stress longer than the short term stress of facing them head on when they arise.
We often let fear, shame, negative self-judgment, and embarrassment paralyze us from taking action. Instead of leaning in and learning the lesson or what it takes to resolve the situation, we judge ourselves harshly and stop there. Fear, most of the time, is irrational and is not rooted in logic. Simply put, fear mostly doesn’t make sense but it feels viscerally real when we are in the midst of it. And when we don’t believe in a fear anymore, it vanishes into thin air like it never existed. Fear deserves a post of its own to discuss it more but the purpose of this post is to remind us that some of our fears cost us literally and figuratively. They cost us money, our time, our physical health, our wellbeing, and our mental health. If we can encourage ourselves to be more brave and face them, we will be freer than constantly running. The journey to freedom isn’t always fun. Remember that tax bill? I was going to have to pay it anyway but when I finally faced it, I had to pay 4K more. I don’t want you to have to experience that if you don’t have to. Learn the lesson now instead of later. Experience some temporary discomfort now instead of a lot more later.
-when we overcome things we are afraid of in our lives, by spiritual law, our lives and realities will change because we had to change to do so.
As I continue to grow and evolve, I see that my best life requires me to lean into what scares me. Get curious, ask myself what it is trying to teach me, and release myself from its bondage. I recently created a list of things I am avoiding or running from that I am committed to running towards. Those two old laptops I mentioned earlier are included on it. Ro Ransom on Tik Tok shared a great video about this recently and he calls it walking through portals because it’s like quantum jumping. I agree with him and like that way of framing it because when we overcome things we are afraid of in our lives, by spiritual law, our lives and realities will change because we had to change to do so.
Judging yourself or progress robs you of the richness that lies on the other side of overcoming fear.
How can we do this?
Below are some actions we can start today to explore facing our fears and getting more comfortable with the temporary discomfort that it requires.
- Suspend judgement of yourself
- This isn’t a judgment, criticism, or sentencing session. This is your protagonist story. This isn’t about tearing you down, this is about your ascension. You made some mistakes but you still deserve to learn the lessons and thrive. Judging yourself or progress robs you of the richness that lies on the other side of overcoming fear.
- Reflect on and write a list of things that you are afraid of or have been avoiding
- Commit to running towards them and pick ONE from the list to start with
- Overcome fears one at a time. This is not a contest or a race. This is for and about you. Focusing on one at a time increases your likelihood of overcoming it and not overwhelming yourself and giving up.
- Avoid setting due dates and time limits
- I know there are some who would disagree with this and we can just agree to disagree. This is not a test you are taking for a grade, this is not a dance recital, this is not a contest, and this is not a dating show. THIS IS YOUR LIFE. The time doesn’t matter as much as your dedication to yourself. Focus on overcoming the fear and being free from it. Putting a time constraint on it puts you right back into self-judgment and potentially inaction because we often give ourselves unfeasible timelines that just sound good. They are not rooted in us taking care of ourselves- they often are rooted in performing and proving. You’re already worthy, there is nothing to prove here. Lock into the journey and the learning.
- Document your journey
- I look at myself in the mirror every day and think my hair hasn’t grown much, but when I look at pictures from even three months ago, a year ago, etc., I can see that it has definitely been growing. It’s the same for anything we are working towards. If we don’t capture what’s going on throughout the journey, sometimes we think nothing is happening when it most definitely is. When you see that you are progressing, you will feel more empowered to keep going and not give up.
- Your documentation can be done privately or publicly. Sometimes people share publicly to help them be more accountable. Others feel if they talk about it too much then it waters down their energy. Tell a few people or none. Tell people you know well or others who are not as emotionally attached to you. There is not a preference on this, do what works for you. You can do video logs, journal logs, habit trackers, take pictures, whatever medium and cadence for check ins that work for you. Just remember to document your journey. This is your protagonist story.
- Seek help if you need it
- Some fears are deep rooted and complex and, even if they aren’t, you don’t have to go at them alone. “Self-made” is a myth because none us achieve anything without others being involved whether it’s paying customers, buying products or services that serve us, content we enjoy, friends and family, etc. If you need help, seek it and ask for it. You can ask your family and friends for support. If they aren’t available or able or you need additional modes of support, you can find connection in various trusted communities and forums of likeminded people like Facebook groups, Discord groups, your church or spiritual center, etc.
- And lastly, if you need professional help and have access to it, utilize it. Sometimes some of the assistance we need includes trained professionals so lean into what tools and services they can offer you. They are trained to serve and assist us.
- Once you overcome a fear, reflect on the journey and how you felt along the way and feel now. You can take a break or not before you move to the next fear on your list that you will run towards.
This isn’t an exhaustive list, but I hope that it helps you get you started on the adventure to rediscovering who you are and reminding you that you can do hard and scary things.
What are you running towards that you’ve been afraid of or avoiding?
Stay fly. Stay flourishing.
– Milan
Fly & Flourishing ™️ 